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When what you’re doing isn’t working.

Most folks do not know the source of their problem, but they are intimately aware of the result of their problem. Poor relationships, painful affects and moods, behavior that causes pain for both themselves and their loved ones, self-destructive behaviors, poor judgement, self-injurious behavior, an inability to reach one’s goals, self-sabotage, and numerous other things that cause pain and suffering. This last part is important!! Pain and suffering. What makes a good therapist??? Someone who knows what it is like to suffer. Most of these poorly-trained, self-absorbed, poser-therapists don’t. Ask them if they have ever been in psychotherapy. Louisiana is full of them, due to the state government corruption that touches every facet of Louisiana businesses and life.

Object Relations – Contemporary psychoanalytic theory

Freud said that by the time a child is five years old, the script has been written, and everything after is merely acting out that original script. Freud also gave us the term, Object Relations. It is a somewhat clumsy term in that Object just means people. People Relations. In other words, the child takes in (introjects) not only a representation of the parent, but also the relationship between baby and parent. This relationship, for good or bad then becomes the basis for all relationships to come. Object Relations is contemporary psychoanalytic theory.

Incidentally, we now know in physiological terms what Freud told us almost 150 years ago in psychological terms. Most adults have approximately 100 billion neurons that make up their brain. But when a baby is born, it has over three hundred billion neurons which make up their brain. This is because with only (approx.) 12,000 DNA, there cannot be a differentiation (i.e., this is an eye neuron, this is a leg neuron”) of 300,000,000,000 (three hundred billion) neurons. As such, nature provided too many neurons, so that the neurons that are used will remain intact, and the neurons which are not used will wither away. In the first five years over two-thirds, over two hundred billion neurons, will “die on the vine” due to disuse (they did not get used), in a process referred to as “neuronal pruning.”

And while there is no initial differentiation among the 300 billion neurons, during the neurodevelopmental period the neurons will travel (migrate), as a result of DNA-directed proteins being released. Thus, causing various neurons to travel to certain areas of the brain, which then determine their specific purpose. In other words, it is the location that determines the function of a neuron.

But by the time a child is five years old, the neurons that are left are what the child will use for the rest of their life. Hence, those early experiences determine what neurons get used and built up, and what neurons do not get used, and which are then eventually “pruned.” So if a child’s early experiences consist of painful episodes, fear, and disappointment, then those are the pathways that are built up and strengthened, and which will then exist for a lifetime. While to some degree the brain is always changing, there will never again be the plasticity (ability to change) as there was in those first five years.

Freud said that there is no such thing as a “new” relationship. All relationships are superimposed over old relationships. The problem is, however, when these old relationships are malignant (i.e. causes harm), these malignant early relationships contaminate all relationships to come. Hence, the repetition. Freud said that “the neurotic repeats because he/she can’t remember.” (Neurotic is a dated term which means a behavior/habit that is not helpful to the person, but it is not an acutely serious disorder. For example, smoking tobacco would be considered neurotic-not helpful, but then again, not psychotic). It cannot be remembered because it is stored away in the unconscious. But, Freud said, “The unconscious demands expression,” thus the person will act out whatever resides in the unconscious. It must be expressed. Yet Freud also said, “Once you can talk-it-out, you don’t have to act it out.” This is why, one of the definitions of psychotherapy is: “To make the unconscious conscious.”

But it is more than that. How does psychotherapy work? Our best understanding is that despite the “door” being closed after five years old, for some reason the therapeutic relationship allows some type of re-opening. Thus, the therapeutic relationship is introjected (taken in), and either replaces, or mitigates those early, malignant relationships. It is actually amazing to behold!!